Sexual fantasies are one of the perks of adolescence. You hit puberty with a bang and suddenly your body starts doing weird shit. Hair in places you never had it before, emotions like a steamroller going over everything and you’re miserable. For about a week. Then, you go to bed one night and this feeling hits you. It’s like a hot ball of lead sitting in your gut, spreading out like tendrils of sensation. You feel sweaty and your hands go clammy butall you want to do, for the rest of your life, is recapture that feeling. Whether you realize it or not, we spend the rest of our lives trying to imitate that first sensation of arousal. And sometimes, that image and feeling stay with us, becoming a part of our psyche, and play a role in our fantasies for a long time.
What are sexual fantasies
A study in 2013 by Israeli psychologist, Gurit E. Birnbaim, PhD aimed to find out what role sexual fantasies had in our lives. Her study found that our fantasies are, in large part, formed when we are infants in how attached we are to our caregivers and what kind of treatment we receive. If we had stable caregivers who showed love without hesitation, we would be more likely to have fantasies that revolved around power, aggression, and dominance. If our caregiver was distant, we are more likely grow up to be more submissive and have fantasies about pleasing others, using sex as a way of comfort, and of being powerless. (I would like to point out this is what her research found as a majority. It may not be true for everyone, such as myself)
Are my fantasies normal?
This is probably the most common question I’ve answered in the last ten years. And maybe now that it’s in print, some of you will take it to heart. “There is no such thing as a normal fantasy.” There isn’t a schedule or a pick-three machine somewhere that says fantasies that cover a supermodel sucking your dick, you masturbating while watching online porn, or watching the cheerleader from the local college bouncing on your cock are “normal”. There’s no pit of despair that says if you fantasize about sucking James Castle’s cock, or of men wearing sheer hose and silky panties then you are a freak that no one wants to invite over for Sunday supper. And even if your fantasies lean towards the more extreme gay fetishes, these are still your fantasies and as long as they are getting you off and no one is ending up hurt (beyond what they may or may not have enjoyed while spanking them with a deadfall paddle), then yes … your fantasies are normal for you. I don’t judge anyone for what gets them off.
Adult Entertainment’s Role
There are quite a few people that will tell you watching porn is unhealthy or damaging to your relationships; some even saying all pornography should be banned. And for years and years, we’ve kept our interest in porn very quiet … almost as though we are ashamed of what we enjoy. I’m not ashamed of what I enjoy and, thankfully, sex bloggers and sex-positive groups are starting to change the way society works by being open about what turns us on. (For the record? Billy Santoro and Jaxton Wheeler just did a scene together on Iconmale and holy fucking christ, I cannot even begin to explain how intense their energy was together. Trust me, if you like aggressive alpha males fucking, you’ll love the scene.)
Around the turn of the century, telephones and stag films were on the rise, with scandalous pictures of beautiful women in coy positions and some not so scandalous images of women who were less successful at the coy look were printed in men’s publications. Think, Hugh Hefner in a bowler’s hat. It wasn’t long before moving pictures were coming out and, right behind it, the first stag films. These types of films improved with each decade, through to the Seventies wave of Deep Throat, the Eighties with the introduction of parody porn, and the Nine … wait. No. I wouldn’t know what porn in the Eighties was like … not at all)
The point is, from the time it was possible to take pictures, there were people taking nude selfies. And with our movies, well … we’ve come a long way from fuzzy 8mm film, held up to a light bulb with your best friend, both of you squinting to try and figure out if that was an elbow or a nipple. These days, we have studios such as Lucas Entertainment, Falcon Studios, or IconMale that produce quality films with amazingly talented men. The cheesy pizza-man fantasy has long since died off and now we are enjoying scenes that have depth in addition to dick.
In reality, despite not being an actual industry until Gloria Leonard started her own lines to support advertising in her magazine in the 1970s, phone sex has been happening for as long as there has been a phone. It was something people would whisper about, something teenagers would talk about on the phone before their parents could hear, and couples that were spending time apart could call and masturbate together.
The first official line idea may have been Gloria’s, but it wasn’t long before everyone caught on and late-night advertisements for 976 numbers began. The adult industry realized quickly that if men were willing to pay per minute to hear a few sentences recorded by a sexy voice, they’d pay more for a live girl on the other end of the line. From there, it went through the 1-900 days, the FCC ruling regarding it’s legality (something that still haunts our industry even today), the backs of magazines, and cubicle farm phone sex. Now, anyone who wants to provide phone sex can do so from their own home, or their own office … hell, I took a call from a client while I was on a boat once upon a time. There are phone sex companies galore, catering to all manner of fetish and kink.
The Future of Fantasies
Both industries suffer from the tired old stigma of pornography. Despite the fact that each is a multi-billion per year industry, and has been declared legal several times over, people simply don’t like to talk about porn. So they call their friendly phone sex operator, who is anonymous and safe, and they talk about their fantasies. They talk about the scene they watched with two men sucking each other off. They talk about how turned on he is and maybe next time, he’ll watch another scene as well; helping him to explore his kink.
But as the story goes, as long as there’s a phone or a camera, you’re going to have sexual fantasies and dirty fun. And please, stop asking if you’re “normal” … there’s nothing normal about any of this. It’s fun and chaos, sex and emotion, masturbation and fucking. It’s letting go and allowing your mind to drift and finding what turns you on the most.
(BONUS POINT to anyone who finds the joke in here. #SPNFamily)XO
D. Jordan Padrona
I’m powered by coffee, wine, and sarcasm
I write fantastically filthy pornography (original and fanfiction)
Sometimes I record it (audio producer)